Over the years I've accumulated alot of friends and aquaintances. Conversely I've only made a few enemies. When it comes down to it, I genuinely like people and don't believe that you can't be friends with a person who doesn't necessarily share your personal values. After all, my personal values may seem off kilter to many but that doesn't mean I'm not a decent person. So why should I shut out another simply because they hold different values dear. I live in a downtown loft community comprised of good people who cover the gamut of humanity. White, black, gay, straight, left wing, right wing, wealthy, not so much... Over the years we've all become very social. We party together, dine together, look out for each other, and even vacation together. In spite of our differences we all bonded over the idea that we could build a real neighborhood together, and for my money, that's the way the world should be. Occasionally though, I get a glimpse of a neighbor's other side. The side that hides outside of our common bonds and am forced to wonder if I might have to re-think our friendship. That's not an idea I entertain lightly.
Here's an example of what's bothering me; One of my friends is a gay man who's been in a committed relationship for years. I love these guys to death and have always cherished the time that we've spent together. They've always been kind and generous friends. More than once, they've loaned us their beach house in Ft. Lauderdale. We've shared many a raucus drunken evening. My impressions of them were always of two free spirited, light hearted guys. They used to dress in drag and do "Joan and Melissa Rivers" interviews at their Oscar parties. I learned early on that they both voted republican. I have never understood how a gay person can vote for a candidate that would sell them down the river to secure an election, but in their case I shrugged it off. They're in real estate so I figured it was about taxes. Last year Maria and I got together with them when we all happened to be in Miami at the same time and had dinner together. I got into a surprisingly heated argument with one of them about politics and was stunned to find out that he's actually an off-his-nut-Rush Limbaugh conservative. I'm staring into the face of a man who I've seen in a gold lame dress and high heels screaming at me like a Fox News, Glenn Beck, right wing asshat! I tried to laugh it off at the time, but lately the memory of the moment has bubbled back to the surface.
I was very excited when Obama decided to push his agenda for health care reform. As a freelance artist, I've spent most of my life uninsured because I flat out cannot afford the ridiculous payments. The idea of a public option that would force the insurance industry to play in a truly competitive market for the first time got me stoked. After all, I've got a son to care for now. So far we've been adequately covered through my wife's job, but she was laid off last year during the economic crisis. Our coverage runs out in January and we're looking at a crazy monthly cost to stay covered. Naturally I was stoked to hear this morning that the house passed the bill. The person I described in the previous paragraph posted this on Facebook this morning;
"It is a sad day in America. I hope all you free health care interlopers are satisfied. I really don't want to hear you complain when your mamogram is scheduled six months out and you miss your early opportunity to stop something awful from happening. This is the price you have thrust upon yourself and others. Sickening!"
This is just one example of my dilemma. I posted a little note on FB today regarding my pleasure at the passing of the bill and spent the afternoon arguing (on fucking Facebook!) with two other friends who are vehemently against the bill. I don't begrudge anyone a differing political view, but when I know that their opposition to important legislation is rooted in religious bullshit, I begin to lose my patience. If I hear the phrase "I don't want my tax dollars paying for abortions." one more time I'm going to slap someone's fucking teeth down their throat!
Anyway, my point is that these are people that I've always considered friends. Friend is an important word for me. I'd do anything for my friends. One of the people I'm thinking about is a guy I had to fire a couple of years ago for offending a lesbian couple. I decided that his horrifyingly bad behavior was born more out of ignorance than hatred and chose to forgive him rather than end a fifteen year friendship. Lately though, all of his posts seem to be about how the country is going to hell in a handbasket under Obama and how we shouldn't be surprised that the Ft. Hood shooter was a muslim.
I don't think I can stand it...
So the question is; Am I kidding myself thinking that it's possible to maintain relationships with people who passionately believe in things which I find abhorrent? When is a friend no longer a friend?
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lorigami knocked it right out of the park once again
